To those with their hearts set on me (Guffaw faw faw) I apologize, but I have been having a Love Affair. It's a secret one. No one knows about it. I've been having this affair for a little while now, and I don't want it to go away. Whenever I see her, I talk dirty to her. She likes it. I know she does. She's a cute little red head. She always sits there silently as I go by, hearing my words. Her curves taunt me. And she always has a sleek shine to her. She glistens in the sun. A real beauty to be sure.

Did I mention that she's actually a twin? Today I met her twin, too, and god, she's just as hot. Just as red, too, goodness, I find excuses to go and see them both as much as possible. They both dig me, I can tell.

She doesn't need to change. Neither of them do. They're both perfect. Whenever I see them my stomach churns and I just want to hop out and sit in them.

Ok, they're both Red 911 Carerra Porsches, but I don't care. I love that car. And today there's another one. As if just the one was bad enough. Now there's two. Two of the same car, MY CAR, in one spot. They sit next to each other, staring blankly as me as I drive by.

To my super rich friends (Which should be none of you, go figure) get me one of them. I want one of them as my baby. I'll treat her nice. Wax her every day. I want one of those cars.

And that's my dirty secret. You can keep it.